Anyone who knows me for five minutes knows that one of the things I can’t bear in life is REGRET. It’s a killer. It’s one of those emotions that you have to strategically decide how you’re going to deal with it, or else it will eat you up alive.
I made a couple memorable mistakes early in life which is how I discovered regret. Afterward, I vowed to live my life in a way that I wouldn’t have many. I’m not perfect, by any means; I don’t always succeed. Case in point, several years ago, I was staring at a lifeboat right in front of me, heaven-sent, and I let it float right past.
I was with my fiance back then and it was tough at some points, to say the least. He had a friend that I was doing some work for and in the course of the work, his friend became such a mentor to me. His name was Gary and he would always guide me, talk with me and talk to me. I felt fortunate since he was a good businessman and had been through many things himself.
When things fell apart between my fiance and I, Gary stepped in and gave me even more work, made me get out of the house and work out. He kept encouraging and guiding me. He was a wonderful person to me.
As fate would have it, my fiance and I reconciled and then we had our son. The rest is history. Years later, I was able to talk with Gary again. He told me that long ago, he had wanted me to be his and have a family with me. I could’ve really been pushed over with a feather when I heard this. At the time, I had no idea he felt that way about me. Looking back, it was obvious. As fate would have it once more, he had just moved out of the country for business. So, it was not to be. Ever.
Gary has since found someone and I think it’s wonderful. He’s been through a lot and he deserves to be happy. As for me, I always remember him fondly, with much love, and regret… I know now, that in my times of trouble, the Universe heard my heart and sent someone to me. I was so caught up in the darkness, though, that I could not see. I love my life and who I’ve become, but there will forever be that little voice of regret, wondering aloud inside my head, “What could have been?”
